At my darkest times, depression has felt like the force of gravity multiplied tenfold. Hyperbolic time chamber vibes – except I totally didn’t sign up to lock myself in this blinding white room to train for a battle against that lizardy green looking character. The simplest tasks like getting out of bed all of a sudden feels like an attempt to lift a planet. Brushing my teeth is a foreign concept. Wait, did I need to use toothpaste for this? Why won’t the toothpaste come out when I squeeze the tube? Oh, there’s a cap.. Also, what is toothpaste even? Aaand all of a sudden I am right back in bed.. with toothbrush still in-mouth. No toothpaste type ish. And then the negative self-talk dude greets me with top tier morning breath. Nope, that’s just mine because I couldn’t even brush my teeth right today. 

Freeze response. Brain fog. It’s not that I don’t want to live life like a normal human being again. I simply just, can’t.. While researching the freeze response I came across a great YouTube video that explained my experiences quite well.

Interesting choice of virtual background, I know. I thought those were only used on work Zoom calls. But skip to 14:40 and he offers a great tip to start working through it. He explains that ecstatically celebrating the smallest of actions will produce dopamine and start to send signals to your amygdala that the triggered freeze response isn’t necessary. 

So! This is an entire day of celebrations. 

• I think I just surpassed my personal record on hitting the snooze button.
• I’m literally the best at putting left socks on. I’ll work on the right one tomorrow. 
• Some may call this toast burnt, but I like to say I just cooked the heck out of it.
• Hey! I figured out the toothpaste thing!
• I just walked. OMG I just walked.
• That TV just done got remote controlled. 
• Who just marathoned Harry Potter 1, 2, and half of the third one?! I did.
• Couldn’t take a full shower, so I took a face shower. And that’s darn good enough for today. 
• I’m literally the best at taking left socks off.

Goodnight.