Years 2010 to 2012 were a blurring whirlwind of anxiety, confusion, nausea, and panic attacks – all of which I had no explanation for at the time. My body and mind were straight up glitching like a short-circuited motherboard. Any attempt at a resolve seemed to show little to no results: Clonazepam, therapy, exercise. And then one random night in my dorm room I came across this piece of work.

Sonic Heaven. Audible Euphoria. The Youtube algorithm served me the oasis that I was searching for. I was completely blown away. I had never heard this beautifully proportioned recipe before – the mix was nothing short of perfection. Drums were simple, yet clear and punchy. The filtered chords that add a sweet, soft texture sound like you are laying on a bed of clouds. And the horn samples that are unnoticeably injected throughout causing that Stepbrothers John C. Reilly feeling of “SOMETHING IS HAPPENING!” I played it back. A hundred times. And it wasn’t just this one. Every piece of work I found attached to the same name gave me the same feeling. How is this possible. This guy doesn’t miss. I needed to find out who was creating such awesomeness.

Who is He? Nujabes. Where is he from? Japan. How old is he?

He was 36.
He is dead.

I paused for a second to try to process exactly what was going on here. So, not only has this guy altered and brought joy to my life without once speaking a word to me. But he did so.. from beyond the grave?

•

It took me years to truly understand the impact that these Nujabes instrumentals had on me. It took me the experience of my own loved ones passing on to finally get it. One observation I made throughout these times was that every possession, impression, and creation from that person is left behind for those who continue on living. This extends way past just materials and finances, but also includes stories, memories, lessons, laughs, awesomeness. In short, legacy. And if all of these things continue on living, the person may as well be considered alive too. In essence:

“Noone Ever Really Dies”

– Pharrell, Chad, Shay

– Stressball

Nujabes eased my anxiety from beyond the grave. My sister continues to teach me about life well after her passing. Whether in the form of an instrumental or memories, people continue to live on and impact others even if their physical bodies don’t. The footprints left by those that pass, don’t revert and disappear from existence. This personal revelation of mine made the concept of death make sense to me. Or rather I was no longer disillusioned by the concept of death and stopped defining it as the ending of something or someone. I could feel the grief from loss evolve into appreciation of life, consequently allowing me to process the passings of those around me. Calm waters returned again. All of which started from a Nujabes instrumental.

Here’s just a few more of my favorites: